Jennifer Muniga

Survivor

It’s Complicated

December 14th, 2021. The call I will never forget. Driving with my two young kids in the car. The Doctor’s voice saying “I’m so sorry but the tests confirmed that the tumor is Cancer.” Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday and other times it feels like it was a lifetime ago. Sometimes it feels like it was all a bad dream that happened to someone else and I watched from afar. Other times it feels so real that I can almost taste the bitterness of the chemo drip when the IV just started pumping the disgusting and lifesaving drugs into my veins. Some days I’m proud of the title “Survivor” and some days I resent it and wish I never had to “survive” anything to begin with. It truly can feel like a Badge of Honor and a Scarlet Letter at the same time. Cancer is like that; it’s complicated. Just as much mental as physical. And just like the physical scars remain, so too, do the mental ones. 

Breast Cancer made me realize how precious life is while cruelly reiterating that tomorrow is never promised. It made me realize that I should take chances when they arise and do what makes me happy. I try to say ‘yes’ more to the fun things and ‘no’ to the obligatory things. I try not to stress about the what-ifs or should haves and instead be grateful for where I am, now. Just like the dichotomy that is Cancer, I was given a second chance but I only get this one life. I’m going to cherish it.